scunnerred

I went to the post office on Saturday with a couple of parcels bound for the US. One was fine but when the woman behind the counter weighed the other one her expression took a turn for the serious. SHe said "This weighs almost three kilos, anything over two makes the price skyrocket". I say "Well how much will it cost?" She types a few things in and says "Well, if it's two kilos it will be £24 but this one just now will cost you £50". Fifty sodding quid. The contents of the box barely cost £20. I didn't pay it, somebody got some slightly lighter items in their Christmas treat box. Oh, for flat rate postage boxes!

I think I melted some poor Bay Area woman's synapses earlier when I phoned her company to order and send something to another US postal address but paying with a UK card and billing address and she's trying to enter this data into a system that doesn't usually expect some divot in another country to want to order something and OH MY GOD IT'S JUST SO DIFFICULT. "I'll also need a phone number" "Ok, it's +44...". No forget it! Give me your email instead".

THis "generate your own song lyric" thing going around reminds me of my fondness for replacing the word "love" with the word "cock" in every song title ever.

All You Need Is Love
Love Is A Many Splendid Thing
Mmm Skyscraper I Love You
What Is This Thing Called Love?
Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover
etc etc

I am a giant child.

This years cards came from Boots which was a stupid mistake by me as I said I wasn't going to shop there cos their Christmas advert is bloody awful. Who wants one? Leave your address please, even if you did it last year, you might've moved house or something. All comments are screened. Thank you.

Am standing at the bar, everything is clearly visible and a woman comes up and asks me "What kind of drinks do you have?"

Apparently you can now watch live British tv on your computer:

http://tzikeh.livejournal.com/534027.html

You need never miss Bargain Hunt again.

One of my staff called and asked me to swing by a chemist on the way to work this morning to pick her up a pregnancy test kit. Which I did. Am I the best boss ever or what?

From time to time I have to do a bit of outside catering for a nearby conference venue, mainly buffet lunches. I had to do one this morning and, typically and infuriatingly enough, with only one hour before delivery, the client decided to notify the venue that a vegan meal and wheat-free meal would also be required. Cue me having a temper tantrum and muttering "Do people not bother their arse to give fucking notice of dietary requirements these days?" as I stomped off to make some hummus for the vegan. I made the extra food and delivered the buffet. An hour later a woman comes in to buy a sandwich to go. I'm sitting in the corner typing while she's talking to Claire, telling her how she was at the function I had just catered and how the sandwich platters were all mixed and she couldn't be sure that there wasn't some meat or fish contact with the vegetarian sandwiches and how the caterer hadn't thought this through. I'm sitting behind the woman eating my own hand. Claire can see me but won't look for fear of wetting herself laughing. I eventually get up and tell the woman her lunch is on the house because I made those sandwiches she's talking about. She gets a bit embarrassed as I explain that nobody gave me any requirements except for those I'd already mentioned in this post and how in the future all vegetarian food will be kept separate. One hour after this I get a call from the venue who had been asked to call and thank me on behalf of the vegan man who had thoroughly enjoyed his hummus small plate. Ridiculous.

It has rained incessantly for 34 hours.

Trying something which I believe The Yooths call an "applicator" to allow posting from a mobile telephone. Did it work? Going to a favour gig tonight with Steve. A band called Rise Against. I bought earplugs. They are made of wax.

I had a rubbish day yesterday. My fella sent me this to cheer me up. Language really rather unsafe for work.

A massive cleaning frenzy has broken out this week. On Monday night I pulled off the skillful move of getting a lot of people to come to the shop, I make them dinner and them we paint the crap out of the ice-cream rooms. I did this for the first time last year and it was a "Why didn't I think of this before?" moment. So on Monday there was 8 of us, I made black & white chilli (replace the beef with home-ground turkey and replace the kidney beans with black beans) and cornbread (which I haven't made in years - a foolish move) and we had about 80% of the shop done in 2 hours. As opposed to me doing it over the course of three weeks and moaning about it constantly to anyone who'll listen. Then today Paul came over to clean the carpets, he's probably still doing them now. I'll head back to the shop shortly to sort out the chair mountain and then the rest of the week will be spent attempting to get the outside store cupboard cleaned out as there is literally no space in there unless you're under 4 foot tall and have the ability to hover.

In other exciting news we have won an award. From The Good Soup Guide for making the best soup in Scotland. Nice!

Check it: http://www.thegoodsoupguide.co.uk/STIRLING/STIRLING - SOUP.html

I can't believe that's five years since John Peel died. Time to give Teenage Kicks a spin.